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April 1st 2014

01 Apr 2014 Written by 

 

Big Blue Boffins
big-blue-boffinsWe've been working hard behind the scenes on something big over the last couple of years, and it's been frustrating not being able to say anything about it. But i've now been given the go ahead to shout it from the rooftops. So today i'm very proud to announce the grand opening of Big Blue Boffins- a brand-new part of the business dedicated to conducting scuba diving research. Now it's going to take time to get off the ground, but we're fully intending to revolutionise the diving industry and make it easier than ever for people to enjoy diving.
We're currently working on a number of revolutionary inventions. One example is synthesising sea cucumbers to excrete treacle, so that over time the ocean will become more and more viscous. So if you accidentally inflate your BC to go up, no problem, you'll still ascend nice and slowly! Plus, if you accidentally swallow a bit of water it will just make you crave pancakes! We also think it's pretty wasteful to have to put air in your BC from your diving cylinder to make yourself neutrally buoyant. So we're developing a kind of reverse-regulator to attach to your underpants, so that you can add air to your BC by utilising air from your bum. The first-stage will take the low pressure air from your bum and increase it to an intermediate pressure. The trials are going well, but we're going to have to spend more time on oral inflation at the surface- you don't want to be leaving your finger on the deflate button as you blow air into your BC! We'll let you know when it's ready to hit the shelves but we think we're onto a winner.
But perhaps the most important developments will involve looking at the bigger picture. We're currently in top-secret talks with the descendants of Robert Boyle, Archimedes of Syracuse, William Henry, John Dalton, and Jacques Charles, to gain permission to change the laws of physics relating to diving, as inspired by Willy Wonka. If we can re-arrange all the formulas, then it stands to reason that the underwater world will also change. Imagine if an increased partial pressure of nitrogen just made you a bit peckish instead of getting you narced! But don't worry, none of this will go to our heads when we receive the Nobel prize. We'll still take you diving to the best dive sites in Koh Tao, but it might be on a dive boat powered by Barracuda poo, with an in-built flux capacitor in case you missed the whaleshark.
So, just to summarise, Big Blue Boffins, as launched today, April 1st 2014.... you fools.

Giant groupers
Seeing as Chumphon and White rock seem to be covered in giant groupers at the moment, how about some lovely facts about these amazing lazy predators:

- The giant grouper is the largest bony fish found in coral reefs. It’s also known as the brown spotted cod and the Queensland grouper. In fact, it is the emblem of the state of Queensland, Australia. Groupers are a large family of fish and the giant grouper is one of the biggest in the family.
- It’s found throughout the Indo-Pacific area except the Persian Gulf. They’re a huge species and can grow as large as 2.7 m long and can weigh up to 600 kg. There are rumors that even larger groupers have been found but these are unconfirmed.
- The giant grouper is found commonly in shallow waters and feeds on a range of other marine life including small sharks, crustaceans and young sea turtles. Its favorite sea food is the spiny lobsters. Like other grouper species, it changes color as it ages.
- It has an extremely large mouth and a round tail. The young have uneven yellow and black markings whereas the adults are green, brown or gray with only a faint mottling. They also have a scattering of black spots on their fins.
- These giants can live up to fifty years in the wild. They are fully protected as their numbers are dwindling. They breed between May and August and like many other fish they are hermaphrodites.
- They are a specific type of hermaphrodite known as the protogynous hermaphrodite meaning the young are predominantly female but turn into males as they develop. When young they’re believed to grow over 1 kg a year. When they reach around 10 kg they turn male and the male grouper has a harem of up to fifteen females. If there is no male in the group, the largest female will turn male to satisfy their reproductive needs.
- The giant grouper preys upon other sea life but rather than chasing after its prey, it prefers to lie in wait and catch any prey unaware. But this slow-swimming, sluggish behavior isn't good for them if there are spear fishermen around. - Another threat is that their habitat is being destroyed by excessive fishing and its prey being wiped out. Similarly, the explosive devices used in reef areas have led to a decline in their population.

 

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