17/18 Moo 1, Koh Tao Suratthani, 84360 Thailand         Info @ Big Blue Diving        +66 (0) 77 456 050

BIg Blue News

An Introduction to the Divemaster Team

Hello, and thanks for reading at least this far in the latest wonderful blog that is slowly oozing from my filty digits. Today i'd like to talk about the coolest and most important people in the whole of Big Blue, the Divemaster Team.

As you may know, the DMs are responsible for making sure all the boats are organised, sites scheduled, equipment prepared, trainees spanked and instructors are all signed up onto the appropriate boat for their courses - basically the running of the whole dive centre, with a touch of babysitting thrown in too. On top of this they also have their underwater role, which is definitely the best job in the world and the only reason our DMs do this job - they get to lead certified divers around all of our best divesites, and have to find amazing stuff to point out. If anyone says that pointing at beautiful things for a living isn't the best job in the world then i'll show you a liar, it's pretty much being paid cold hard cash-money (a pittance, mind you) for enjoying your hobby everyday! When it comes to pointing at things there's are no better people on the island than the Big Blue divemasters, and their legendary status is assured for years to come, mainly because of the fine past efforts of hero, warrior, Mr LoverLover and officially The Best Divemaster In The World (TM), Koh Tao's handsomest-person-ever. Steven DeVelter.

Our four full-time DMs don't know just how lucky they are, to be honest. Firstly, our longest serving of the four 'Angle/Angel/Nigel/Lorenzo' (he has many names to keep the police at bay) used to work in a meat shop in Barcelona for God's sake, and somehow managed to sell enough Chipolatas to fund a trip to Koh Tao. Six years later he's still here, poor and confused and surely by now considering a return to selling his meat. The shortest man on Koh Tao, he saves a fortune on clothes as he can still shop in the child's department and also manages to take brooding to a whole new level, only once breaking into a smile when his girlfriend fell down a hole and died. His recent plans include finally becoming the instructor Big Blue has always wanted since Andy Campbell mutated into something else, and he will soon be making students cry at a dive school not a million miles away from here in the very near future - good luck puta!

Next, and the current reigning Divemaster of the Year (it helps when you're boyfriend is one of the judges), is our Uber-German Steph 'Himmler' Schlatter. Despite being from Switzerland she has fully embraced the organisational skills of the Deutsch Motherland and is well known around these parts for having the LOUDEST VOICE in Thailand, with it being possible to hear her from any part of Koh Tao, even if she's whispering. The last time she actually tried to raise her voice was in 2004, and the resulting tsunami will be remembered to this day.

Third on the list, and the most recognisable of all the DMs is of course Claire Messenger, our resident fking massive person. Readers may have seen her fine work in the recent Game of Thrones TV series, which consisted mainly of 'holding the door' or declaring something about her plans to hold it in the future, for which she became a worldwide phenomenom. Standing at a mighty 3 metres tall she is personally responsible for climate change in Thailand, cooling the country due to her obscuring the sun whenever she stands up. A brilliant DM, she is the only one of us who can be at the front and back of the group at the same time making her very popular with all her lucky divers, who always know when she's on her way to find them as they get them little ripples in their drinks like on Jurassic Park when the T-Rex is coming. She was recently declared a danger to Thai airspace, and will no doubt soon be deported to a neighbouring country to become a bridge or a crane or something equally as elongated.

NB She is a ginger.

Finally, and in no way am I saving the worst till last (I am), is our new boy and owner of BBs most amusing face, Ashley. With a nose so damn fine he influences the tides here, can smell SJ from orbit (not too difficult actually, as SJ smells like dog-food on a shit) and can also be at home and at work at the same time, this wonderful human is a living version of Picasso's famous work, 'Tete de man with Beak de Parrot' and has the personality of a painting too. Strangely for someone so cubist-looking he's a happily married man but I do wonder what sort of position his wife must have to twist into to be able to even have a little kiss with that monstrous carbuncle jutting out of his face. His talents include sitting on pirates shoulders, squawking 'pieces of eight', and being able to smell what everyone's thinking.

To conclude, we have very eclectic bunch (who can hopefully take a joke) running the dive centre's essential business, and a damn fine job they're doing too, even that lanky one. If you too would like to point at stuff for a living then feel free to get in touch with us and our brilliant team of DM mentors and we'll certainly consider it (gingers now accepted), otherwise come try them our for a fundive and you too can experience the ground-shaking power of a Stephanie Schlatter conversation.

Book your fundives in person or through a robot right here - http://www.bigbluediving.com/en/book-now.html

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Read 1124 times Last modified on Sunday, 14 January 2018 01:25
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