Ever since I was a child, sharks have been generally portrayed as being absolute twats. These toothy, gobby little underwater fish-missiles could terrorize you the second your foot entered the water, would jump nonchalantly onto your boat and gobble bits off you, or baby ones would swim up your toilet as you sat there and put an end to future child support forever. It was movies like ‘Jaws’ (amazing) and media reports of gory attacks on surfers that helped perpetuate the myth, as myth it is as we’ll see here by looking closely at statistics from the USA.
We chose the USA because as we all know, absolutely anything can happen over there and regularly does – Tide-Pod anyone?
Current figures indicate that sharks are responsible for an average of ten deaths a year worldwide.
10 Things That Kill More People than Sharks
Cows kill 20 Americans a year, mostly from smashing into people or kicking them to death. Delightful.
Coconuts cause about 150 deaths a year, I think from people bashing them together pretending to be horses and then getting raped to death by horses.
Autoerotic asphyxiation kills 1000 peoplerverts a year. RIP David Carradine, in your closet. 
Champagne corks kill over 20 people a year. What a great excuse to leave the party early.
Tripping kills over 5000 people each year! Not the fun one, the old person on the pavement one.
Bees kill around 100 honey-stealing nincompoops a year in the USA. 
You’ve got to be kidding me, hot TAP water kills about 100 people a year in the US. Stop this stupidity.
77 slutty/stupid/greedy idiots choke to death each year trying to eat hot dogs.
Vending machines killed 37 people in the US between 1978 and 1995. Sharks didn’t.
You have a 1 in 63 chance of dying from the man flu. It’s 1 in 3,748,067 from a shark.
So you see, sharks are just a bit misunderstood, but feel free to punch a cow right in the kisser next time you see one!
